Don’t Let it Define You
When there is a new moon, I perform a “check-in” with Spirit/Source/God/Universe (whomever I’m feeling the vibe of at the time) regarding my path. I believe we are all growing continuously; though sometimes it feels like our steps can be measured in micro-millimeters, I sometimes feel like, for me, a progress report is necessary. This is a monthly ritual I started six months ago using my regular tarot deck. While this was a good idea, it wasn’t as clear as I needed it to be to know where and what I was trying to do for that lunar cycle. Because I squirrel. A lot. And when I’m using my tarot deck, Spirit will answer whatever question pops in my head - because it relates to the check in question somehow, (though I have had difficulty finding the correlation). To help myself focus (one of the things Spirit had said I needed to start doing), I began using the oracle deck my sister gifted to me for Christmas last year as a means to clearly know the theme of what I was asking and for my brain to stay on topic. So far, it works for not only my own monthly “shadow” reading, but it helps me find clarity in every day readings - like daily “What’s today looking like?” or when I’m facing a crossroad and don’t know what the right action is. Honestly, the only time I don’t use the oracle deck with my tarot cards is when I’m just having a conversation with the Higher Power - lol, like an old fashioned ChatGPT!
The ritual is very basic. After I’ve lit some incense, checked on the chickens, made sure the cat and dog were both fed, I park my ass in a chair and take a few breaths. Then I remember I forgot to grab something - there’s always something I need to get - and once I get it and make sure everything is within reaching distance, I sit back down. I keep doing the breath work until Nibbles comes up to me and caterwauls. That’s when I know my headspace is where it needs to be to begin. I pet Nibbles and thank her…no, that’s a lie. I look at her, tell her she’s got food, I need to work on my shit. Nibbles shrieks at me. Continuously. Until I pet her. Then Buddy needs attention because Nibbles is purring entirely too loud for him to nap. Ear scratching for the dog, chin scratch for the cat, both getting told “I need to do this now, go eat or go take a nap” and I go back to my space and begin shuffling the oracle deck. ***FYI, this goes on throughout the entirety of the reading - apparently, for me, the payment of the progress report is allowing the pets to leech some of my high vibes. Only fair since they absorb my low vibes - especially from mid-June throughout July)
Anyhoo, I ask whomever I’m vibing with (Spirit/Source/Universe/Ancestors/Name a Deity - channeled Archangel Gabriel once; I fan-girled. For some reason, I resonate with Gabriel more than I do any other angel) What is the theme of what I need to work on this lunar cycle? and whatever oracle card drops, I discern the meaning and with my tarot cards, I go from there asking questions. I use a variation of what I call the Hecate Spread - sounds kind of dirty if you ask me, but then I’ve got the perverted mind of a teenager. It’s a list of six questions, each question having one card each as the answer and is pretty effective on finding what you should work on in yourself - basically it’s shadow work with flashcards. The questions are:
1) What do I need to face and acknowledge? If you use an oracle deck to define a “theme,” this will be in line with that theme. Think of it as an essay or research paper: the oracle deck represents the TITLE, this question represents the basis of the essay or research paper. If you choose not to use a theme, this question will “set” the tone of which the rest of the answers will be based around. BE WARNED! You must be prepared for the answer - nine times out of ten, you won’t like it. However, truth is truth - it’s rarely pretty.
2) What important lesson do I need to learn? If you use an oracle deck to define the theme; following the essay/research paper example, this question, and the following questions, will be the “facts proving” the first question.
3) What is the key to my happiness?
4) What needs to end in my life?
5) What will be reborn in my life?
6) Final message from Hecate (or whomever I’m vibing with)
Then I start shuffling the tarot cards. Pause for doling out the toll to the cat in chin and face scratchings and resume. The following is what Spirit had to say for myself (if you don’t want to read, you can scroll to the bottom of the post to watch the video - it’s 30 minutes long just to warn you)
Supernatural Oracle Deck: DONNA HANSCUM * THEME: The past doesn’t define you.
When Donna Hanscum popped, the first thing I heard was “The past doesn’t define you.” I had a hunch this was going to be the theme for the next cycle, especially given how much shadow work I had been doing over the last few weeks culminating into the blog post I published last week. In the show, Donna had an ex-husband who was verbally abusive towards her and she was able to rise above the narrative he led her to believe about herself. While in this case it was an ex, in my case it was myself. I have constantly told people that I was a bitch prior to my stroke - very much like my ex-boss. I have said many unkind things about myself in regards to who I was throughout my life and career in retail. She was unavoidable back then, an invariable byproduct of traumas, triggers and unknown talents that, for the last three years, I have started to unravel. While those triggers and talents were designed for survival as a child they are not needed as an adult as a means of surviving. They are needed as a means to thrive; enforcing boundaries both spiritually and physically. I am no longer who I was in the past and while it isn’t forgotten, it doesn’t define my future.
Question 1: (L-R) 4 Wands; Strength; The Magician, reversed, The High Priestess, reversed
WHAT DO I NEED TO FACE AND ACKNOWLEDGE? Celebrate yourself is what I heard when I saw the first card drop. You put in the effort; you’ve done the work. You are on the right path, keep going; enjoy it, celebrate it (4 Wands). You faced every obstacle thrown your way thus far; you did not back down; even when you realized it was a repeating pattern, you didn’t hesitate to confront the obstruction. You were resilient in trying something different each time the pattern showed itself - that shows tenacity; you have the fortitude to keep going (Strength). Having said that, you still feel like you don’t have the power within you; you do, you know - you’ve proven it many times. You doubt yourself and what you can do (Magician reversed). You also are still questioning yourself; you seek validation in your thinking from others; you still aren’t fully trusting yourself - you knew what the right thing to do when you saw the paperwork, yet you questioned it. Even afterwards, you questioned it. You have seen what trusting yourself has done, what you’ve accomplished. You need to lean more into that. When you act on your intuition, mistakes won’t happen because you are becoming more aligned with who you are. Trust your gut (High Priestess reversed).
And every single one of those is right. I have come a long way from where I was five years ago. I’m not the same person I was then, and I won’t be the same person tomorrow. I should celebrate that! It may have taken longer than I think I would have wanted, but that doesn’t mean the journey was pointless. I’ve learned a lot about myself - one of the big ones being I don’t mind being by myself. I don’t know where the fear came from - perhaps its because I’ve never truly been by myself before - I’ve always had someone around. It’s the curse of coming from a large family, I think. I’m more patient than I was before; more forgiving too, I think. I see things more objectively now than I used to - I’m more apt to take ownership in my part of any situation. I’m much more slow to anger than I’ve ever been. And while sometimes it’s sometimes necessary to enforce boundaries harshly, I don’t do it nearly as explosive as I used to. Oh, I’ve slipped up, for sure - I’m human after all - but I am quick to correct when I do make a mistake. Even if it frigging kills me to admit it - again, hubris is something I’m working on. Which probably leads to the second half of this: Because I know my hubris has led me into more trouble than one could possibly imagine, I tend to question myself more often than I like to admit. I know I have the power within me - I was manifesting before I knew what it was - and that in of itself is kind of scary. If I was doing that stuff without knowing I could, then I’m imagining what I could do knowing I can. It’s daunting to be honest. I joked with friends that I was the reason Atlantis was no more. I blew it up somehow (I didn’t, I’ve been assured multiple times) and sometimes, when I am so full of rage I feel like I could scorch the planet and watch with a smile while it burns - particularly when I hear stupid shit from politicians (hence why I don’t follow politics). I don’t want to hurt anyone, but that’s what it feels like will happen should I tap into it. It’s not so much I doubt it, I think, but that I fear what would happen. That’s something I’ll truly have to dig deeper on. As far as the High Priestess reversed, I don’t know about the validation part, but I do ask for counsel from trusted people in my life - especially when it comes to any type of relationship. Now, whether or not I follow that counsel is up for grabs because I don’t do what anyone tells me to do - including myself, which is probably why I put my intuition through a 12 point checklist before I listen to it. However, in times where I appeared to be flying by the seat of my pants is when I’m listening to myself and doing what my intuition says. I think that’s only truly happened like, maybe three times in my life, so yes, following my intuition and stop second guessing myself are things I need to work on.
Question 2 (L-R): 9 Pentacles, reversed; The Lovers, reversed; King of Pentacles; 10 cups; Death, reversed
So, I feel I need to interject here that these questions are supposed to be one card answers from the “guide.” As you can see from the picture above and the previous paragraph, one card answers are not typical between myself and my deck. I like to think it’s because I’m still a beginner, but I get the vibe from the cards it’s cuz I ask too many questions at once, lol. Anyhoo, to the second question: WHAT IMPORTANT LESSON DO I NEED TO LEARN? You keep focusing on what you did in the past to earn money - give up parts of yourself, time with your son and family, your energy (9 of Pentacles reversed). You chose to do what everyone around you expected you to do instead of what your heart told you to do (Lovers reversed). You have since course corrected, and are seeing success in all you do (King of Pentacles). Keep leading with your heart and being true to yourself and everything will turn out better than you imagined (10 of cups). “Stop worrying about the changes. They’re necessary. The changes HAVE to happen for you to grow.” (Death reversed). That last card is quoted because that was ALL I kept hearing. I even checked the definition and sure enough, the card means resisting change.
Which is true. I think out of all the cards, the one I truly need to take as the lesson I need to learn is that change is inevitable. I have to stop resisting or trying to control it. That’s a big ask for a Taurus.
QUESTION 3 ROW 1(L-R): 5 of Cups; Wheel of Fortune; Queen of Swords ROW 2: 3 of Pentacles; The Moon; Ace of Swords ROW 3: 8 of Wands; 7 of Pentacles; Knight of Pentacles
As I’ve said, one card answers is NOT typical for my readings. I know it’s because I ask so many questions, but I truly think it’s because I’m having a conversation with Spirit and to get what’s being told to me, more than one card needs to fall. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Except here. There wasn’t much of a back and forth conversation style as there was more of statements on what the cards meant. If you watch the video below, 14:30 is the start of this part: WHAT IS THE KEY TO MY HAPPINESS? Leave the past behind. Pick up the cups that were knocked over and carry on (5 of cups). You’re starting a new cycle (Wheel of Fortune). “Battle hardened”? (Queen of Swords). “COLLABORATION!!!!” (3 of pentacles). Shadow, hidden (The Moon). Double edged sword (Ace of swords). Will hit quick (8 of wands). Work will be worth it (7 of pentacles). Will be slow and steady, but so worth it (Knight of Pentacles).
What this told me was I need to leave the two cups behind me where they are (leave the past in the past); pick up the three cups in front of me and begin my new chapter. The whole battle-hardened chant I got from the Queen of Swords is like a foretelling of the other cards. I’ve been doing shadow work and was asked by a friend what I thought of the idea of doing shadow work with other people. I thought it was a good idea, however certain things needed to be understood since doing shadow work really does require complete and total honesty. There can be no sugar coating things and people will need to be willing to hear the words, not their triggers - the Ace of Swords shows that necessity along with the Queen of Swords in telling it like it is. For me, my shadows are getting deeper and deeper (especially the mother wounds) and being gentle isn’t getting it for me anymore. Hence the 3 of Pentacles and the scream of collaboration when I saw the card. However, I’m also a very paranoid person…no, I’m distrustful. There’s a difference, and I know how traumas can be used against a person - it’s happened to me more than once - and while I think it’s a fantastic idea (this path can get very lonely at times), I’m extremely hesitant to jump right in as I usually do when this friend makes a spiritual suggestion. Ergo Spirit’s last two cards from the “card vomit,” 7 and Knight of Pentacles. Looks like I need to get a hold of someone this week.
QUESTION 4: Knight of Cups
HOLY SHIT! A one card drop! WHAT MUST END IN MY LIFE? People pleasing (Knight of Cups)
This one had me stumped for a minute. I read what the guidebook said and it made no sense why Spirit would want me to stop being heart led and using my intuition (especially when all the other cards were basically SCREAMING at me to use both more often). I looked at the card and noticed the cup and it all clicked. While I am not as much a people pleaser as I once was, I still tend to give when I don’t really have anything left in my cup to give. I’ve noticed that I do it more with friends and loved ones than any others and while giving of myself to them is what I want to do, sometimes I need to say “no” until my cup is refilled. My cup is pretty deep, but I need to stop waiting until it’s bone dry before I say no. This one might be a hard one because it’s ingrained into me.
QUESTION 5: The Hanged Man, reversed
WHAT WILL BE REBORN IN MY LIFE? More control over who has access to energy (Hanged man reversed)
This had me a little stumped and I was completely prepared to shuffle some more cards when I realized I was focusing on the ending of people pleasing and what it would do for my energy. Right now, even if I’m running low on batteries, I’ll still say “yes” to whomever is snagging my energy, my attention. If I stop saying yes when I’m running low, I’ll be able to guard my energy easier (I’m a sitting duck for energy vampires when I’m not fully charged), thereby being able to last longer.
*Giggity*
QUESTION 6 (L-R): page cups reversed; fool reversed
So, this last question is optional. Sometimes I ask for one, sometimes I don’t. It really depends on how I’m feeling at the time of the reading. Well, this shows my spirit team’s sense of humor - at least you now know I came by it honest! In the video the time for this is 27:20 - I think it’s funny as fuck! I asked if there was a FINAL MESSAGE FROM SPIRIT: No (Page of cups reversed); The End (The Fool reversed).
Can’t get more direct than that!
Let it play like an audio book if you don’t want to read the article ;-)
So! Our pasts are just chapters we’ve already read in a book. While those previous chapters set the stage for our present, they do not define it; nor do those prior chapters define our future. That doesn’t mean we forget about those chapters. There’s some good lessons in them if we stopped and thought about it; but we shouldn’t let them consume us - which is what I was starting to do. We shouldn’t hang on to them like they’re gold. Nine times out of ten, those past chapters are dead weight if we choose not to remember them for the lessons that helped shape our present. WELP! Looks like I have more shadow work to do…yay. All I’m going to say is if you want to be handled with kid gloves while doing shadow work, stick with working with Jesus. If you want to get it over and done, like ripping off a band-aid, Hecate is your girl. I have a lot of band-aids getting ripped off :-(
